Awkward Conversation #2

The Flatmate and I were simultaneously overwhelmed by the desire to use the restroom at Denny’s. There were two cubicles, both conveniently unoccupied.

“Oh, that’s lucky,” said Flatmate happily.  “It would have been uncomfortable, otherwise.”

“Aw,” I said. “But I was looking forward to sharing…”

We both giggled and proceeded into the cubicles. As we went about our business, Flatmate said, “An amazing thing happened at work today. It involves a child.”

“A child!” I exclaimed. “Did you punch it in the face?” Flatmate’s hatred of children is legendary. The only reason she has not yet embarked upon the mass annihilation of children is because, in her words, “they are potential adults” and can therefore be tolerated.

            “No, I didn’t, believe it or not,” she replied.  “It’s an AWESOME story, but I won’t tell it to you in here because that’d be just a little bit weird.”

            From outside my cubicle came the sound of hands being washed. Evidently, Flatmate was much further ahead in the process than I was.

            I joked, “But look how much we’re bonding in here!”

            “We flat together, Zabinsky, how much more bonding to you need?”

            The dull roar of a hand drier reverberated throughout the room. I spoke louder to compensate.

            “True! We already share the same shower!” I shouted.

            “Hmm,” said Flatmate.

            “Obviously not at the same time, but –“

            “Is that you out there, Zabinsky?” she interrupted.

            I suffered a momentary inability to process the ramifications of her question.

            “No,” I replied. “I thought that was you.”

            We fell silent. The tension in the room was infinite. We listened to the sounds of the hand drier switching off, receding footsteps, and a door opening and closing.

            “Oh my,” I said.

            Typically, we giggled.